Wanna be Rock Star

Breakfast had finished 30 mins ago and this disheveled man exclaims "WHAT they took away breakfast already!"

They, being me and yep I closed it at 9:30am on the dot as per notice clearly stating that breakfast was 6-9:30am but have a cup of coffee and get over it you lazy sod briefly entered my head but the words "Yes, 30 minutes ago. Would you like some coffee?" came out of my mouth.

He fumbled with the coffee pot, asked for 16 toothbrushes trying to imply he had 15 woman in his queen sized bed and needed toothpaste and Deodorant. Oh we have a comedian and I nearly didn't notice.


Phone rings and I answer it, as you do when your on the clock.

I hear him talking as I am making a reservation with the polite man on the phone and realise he is mumbling to me.  I can't talk to two people at once politely so I carried on with the reservation as if he was not there.
I put the phone down and I am just about to start another one of my duties and he shouts...

'Your from the UK" ..... Bloody hell, Einstein has entered the building!

"All my best friends are English Rockers" is his next proclamation. LOL in my head and think "Oh great, what is he on!"

I busy myself, he goes off with his toothbrush, paste and underarm.

and hour passes and in he strolls to check out.

Oh dear the Comedic Einstein has developed a pretty lousy British accent and I'd like the floor to open up and take me away.

"Do you know the Beat - tels?"

Oh god, this is like the "Do you know John, he lives in Manchester?" kind of situation! The UK might be small but I know a few Johns and they all don't live in Manchester.

"The Beatles, I like their Music but I don't know them, no" and really who has not heard of the Beatles.

"I do, Do you know Pink Floyd"

Once again, Not personally

"How about Boy George?" still in his bad accent.

Boy George a Rock Star?!... I obviously don't burst want his bubble and nod politely.

"David Bowie? I know him too"

I nearly said... "Well, why the Fuck are you here dude?"

but, I just carried on with the check out and in his Brit accents yells " Bye Gorgeous, be back later"

OH DEAR PLEASE NO....

How to cheat and NOT get caught !

RULE # 1 : Do NOT Use a CREDIT CARD whilst checking in to a hotel

RULE #2 : Do NOT meet you play mate in your home town


to be continued...

California Girl

A few weeks have past since this young lady from California walked through the door.

At first she was slightly confused. She has flown in to NJ to Drive a car back to CA for a friend. The friend had arranged for her to pick up the car at our hotel.

NO CAR and NO PERSON...

She decided to grab her belongings from her car service and hang out with me in the lobby whilst she waited for the car to be dropped off.

As it happened this day was the start of a snow storm... as she sat, the snow began to fall.

After we chatted for a few hours, she started to look very sleepy and annoyed and decided to take a room and have a nap. The person she was driving for was going to pay for the room, so she checked in.

The following morning I was surprised to see her still here. The car had arrived int he PM not the AM, miscommunication somewhere! She had decided to wait for the snow to stop before she embarked on her long journey to California. We estimated she would drive a little under 3,000 miles. She said it would take about 4 days... but the weather she was going to encounter was not very nice.

I wonder how long it took her? What a great way to spend a week.

Smelly People

I really don't get it....

You have had a night in a hotel... hot water, shower and bath available ensuite, clean towels. We provide Soap, Shampoo and conditioner and any other toiletries you may have forgotten. But still you smell?

It is one of life's big mysteries I guess. Like, Why is orange jam called Marmalade?!

I can understand encountering smelly people at check in, those who have been hard at work in the outdoors, working up a sweat. But at check out there is no excuse.

I wonder why, especially when I am trying not to inhale whilst also trying to be polite. It's hard to talk when you can't breathe. These people are the ones who want to chat more and are intent on finding out where I hail from! I have taken a liking to the new Febreeze Dragonfruit air freshner... and I am not afraid to use it!

I have a few suggestions, but nothing is acceptable!


They have a phobia of being naked in a strange environment, even with the door locked!

Can't be bothered?

Have no sense of smell?

Don't like our towels? Please pack your own!

The fear of drowning in a small amount of water plagues on their mind?

Can't swim?

Can't operate the tap?

Needs assistance with drying?

Can't unwrap the soap?


Please feel free to add your comments ! 

Poop Man

This guest called down to the lobby and asked me if I would call and get him a cab. Of course I could, I am a very helpful and attentive Guest Services Agent, this is part of my job!

The local Cab company always ask where the guest would like to go... funny that! so I asked the guest this very question and his response was... "Over to the AH Police Department, then on to EWR"

"Very well Sir, I will let you know when they arrive"

I call the cab company,  they tell me they will be there in 10 mins. They are very reliable and are always pretty sharp, the driver always likes to come in and grab a coffee if he has time spare.

Before the car arrives the telephone rings again.... " I know longer need to go to the Police Department, they ain't gonna let me have me clothes back, switch sucks cos I stink of dog crap and have to get going"

I immediately thought this very unfortunate for the cab driver!

As I am chatting to this lovely lost lady this buffoon walks through the lobby shouting and cursing words I cannot even type into his mobile phone. This lovely stinky man slams his key card on the counter and gets in to the cab.

I guess he just checked out!

I wish this was the end of this story... but alas no!

About an hour later this angry man calls me, turns out it is Stinky and he is not happy.

Stinky yells at me telling me I have charged his credit card when he paid cash, he wanted a refund.. blah blah blah. 

I advised him to hold whilst I looked in to it...

" Yes, Sir you are correct we did indeed make a charge to you card..." before I had completed my sentence I rudely interrupted.

"Well I paid cash, you have no business charging my card and MAXING it out"

" Sir, you had a balance from a long distance telephone call, this is the charge that went on your Credit Card"

" How much?'

" $1.50"

"Well, Why did you max out my card?"

" Sir, I really think you need to ask the bank that question!"

About 2 hours after he had initially left... I answer the telephone and it the AH Police Department. They had a few questions with regards to STINKY.

What made me chuckle was the excitement in the officers voice when I was able to tell him where this person had headed. He was shocked that I knew....

"Very easy Officer. I ordered his cab!"

New Year brings new...

The first thing that springs to mind is resolutions... I have decided that mine will be to eat 2 pieces of fruit everyday, continue to watch my weight and visit the gym on a very regular basis.

I am so lucky my friend and co-worker is also my gym buddy. This will help me get back on track after a little holiday break.

The break was unintentional... I got snowed in the hotel and did not have a gym bag with me other wise I could of easily used the small work out facility we have. Thursday I threw myself down the stairs as I rushed out to work... meant another delay due to bruises.

Tomorrow I will be back on track!

I am glad the New Year didn't bring any trouble today. Just one Sexerciser who took a time out over the holiday... he seems to be back on track today !

I see sexercisers in many forms... and who am I to judge. Obviously I don't ! This guy is a sleeze ball. He could arrive any day of the week... he is not fussy what day, I guess their schedule changes every week. unlike others that come the same day every week....with out fail!

Flem, thats what I call him is least 58 years old... and just makes my skin crawl. I have never seen the female...but I alway wonder what on earth attracts her to him.

Yes I ate my 2 pieces of Fruit today... Day one complete. We all have resolutions for the new year and I  hope you are doing as well as I am so far!

Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !

The Holiday arrived... I barely finished my shopping and now it is over and I am back to work.

Familiar families arrived for the holidays. It was nice to see the friendly faces arrive to celebrate.

I was fortunate to have the weekend off with my family as I do every week. But they the storm arrived.

Yesterday, Dec 26th. Boxing Day the storm started.

At 10am the kids were so happy.... by 2pm we went to friends for chilli.... and at 5.30 we headed home in White Out Conditions.

I had to be at work at 6.45am Monday morning and we were forecast 2 ft of snow. As all of you know I am really not a morning person. It takes every ounce of my being to be at work at 6.45am after jumping slowly from my bed at 6.10am. If we did indeed get 2ft of snow... How the hell was I going to get there on time? I can't possibly shovel snow before 9am!

Well working at a hotel... meant a bed for the night. I packed my overnight bag and prepared for my night away from home.

I drive 2 miles to work... and it was complete hell driving here. White out conditions... stuck cars, trucks, jug handles full of snow. I was thinking how smart I was to leave the night before.

At 6 am when I awake... I am feeling even smarter. My commute is the elevator, I can't possibly be late! I have never seen snow like it in my life.. the snow has drifted up the doors 4 ft. Cars are completely covered in snow...they reported we had 28 inches of snow.

I spent the day watching as others changed there plans... people stranded here that live just a few miles away. I was due to leave at 12 noon. T got snowed in... so now I am here until 3pm. It really will be cleared by then.

It is 8:21pm and after watching lorries, cars, vans skidding all over the highway. People arriving crying, the roads are so bad. I am still at the hotel.

My street has not been plowed... so even if I could safely make it out on to the highway... I couldn't get in my street or driveway... to turn back at 6.30 to leave again. I choose the safest way!

I guess this is why they declared a State of Emergency... but why don't people listen and not travel.

A small car ran off the highway and got stuck in the entrance to the hotel... they were not staying here, just passing by. We had to push them out... this was not the first. The men here have been pushing cars all day long. These people are travelling with small children.... surely nothing is THAT important?!

Let's hope tomorrow that the highway is still not the blanket of compact ice it is right  now and that my street has been plowed... otherwise I will be here a 3rd night.

Stay safe!

The height of laziness?

As I answer the telephone the caller asks  " Are you located at 3 Crowne Plaza?"

"No" we are located at .....

" Can you tell me the rate please?"

" I can tell you the rate for our hotel, yes"

" No, I want the rate the hotel at 3 Crowne Plaza, I am sitting in their car park, so why would I want your rates?!"

"Well, Get out of your car and go in and ask them you lazy bitch" is NOT what I said...

" Maybe if you call the 800 number they will be able to help you " IS what I said.

This prompted me to think about just how lazy we are becoming.

We can drive through to get our food and coffee, drop off and pick up prescriptions, even deposit at the bank.

Now you want Drive through Hotels!

I have to admit I very rarely use a drive through. Whilst I am physically able, why not walk?!

If nothing else my heart will stay healthy.

A Day off with the Chiropractor

As you are aware it is my day off...

Sods law prevails and I am still suffering with a cold and really have no energy for what I wanted to do, that my friends was tackling my Christmas Shopping.

However, my first stop was the Chiropractor my favourite place in the world. Well 2nd after my bed!

When I arrived at 10am my concerned Chiro asked me if I was going to be all right face down with my head cold. Of course I was going to be alright, I could not miss my adjustment for a mere cold.

" Grab a handful of tissues and get your head down there" was what he said.

OMG I must be been ill...

I simply grabbed the tissues and giggled inside as he left the room.

I had missed my chance of completely embarrassing him!

I wanted to say so many things... but the moment had gone when witty remarks came flooding into my head,  I am little slow today!

3 day week and its only Tuesday!

My work week started on Sunday this week. I covered the Sunday shift so that R could go to the city and see a show... in return I get Wednesday off.

This sounded great when she called me Thursday to ask me of this favour.  I planned to do my Christmas shopping on my new day off to avoid the crazy weekend shoppers.

Sunday came and I had a cold, I went to work at 6.45am and snuffled through my day. It made a nice change to see the weekend folk, they are somewhat different to the weekly guests. They arrive later for breakfast and are on slow mode! It was a nice change.

It was Harry Potter day on one of the TV channels so I watched that all day and got out my knitting.

The perfect day some would say.

Monday came and I felt worse, my nose is dripping constantly and I had a thick head.

Today came and  I didn't think it possible to feel any worse than I did yesterday.. but guess what I do and to top it all off my body thinks its Wednesday because I have been to work for 3 days.

I am discombobulated, my head is hurting, my nose is running and its not Wednesday and I CANNOT call out sick.

I drag my sorry self to work... and I feel so bad for anyone who has had to come into contact with me today. I felt extremely sorry for the guests in 164 and 166 who arrived to check in at the same time, right when my body wanted to sneeze a million times and I could not stop. Tissues everywhere, I was so embarrassed and I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me in.

This is when I was reminded about my inevitable death by Neti Pot,  right now that seemed a better place to be.

Last night a friend of mine foretold the tale of how I suffered a terrible death in my very own bathroom by drowning in saline solution from my Neti Pot. It was told very well... and for this laugh I am truly grateful, but not at that moment.  After my sneezing fit was over, I laughed, coughed, choked and apologized for even being there.

They both wished me well and hoped I would feel better soon. I informed them it would be safe to visit the Front Desk as I would not be in tomorrow!

December has arrived... Happy Hanukkah

December 1st... Christmas tree is up and still standing !

I decorated it yesterday and went to bed praying that it was all still in place when I got to work this morning. Visions of balls all over the breakfast room filled my head as I went to bed. I did not secure a lot of the ornaments, just placed them gently to enable those who wish to move things an easy time without disturbing the entire tree.

The 9ft tree still stands.... the reindeer however have been drinking are have taken a tumble amongst the cabbages.

The weather was very bad today... it was dark and windy with heavy rain. B was on Thunderstorm watch, she loves a good storm. I was talking to E about cancelling next weeks milk delivery and B piped up "What the Thunderstorm is cancelled?" Oh if only I had that kind of power!

Barb is our resident Meteorologist, she keeps us well informed when bad weather is on the way! I must remember where I put my "How to survive a Hurricane" paper she gave me.

J left for the day, as she departed asked if I had an umbrella. Any good English Lady should carry one I know, but I do not. We did however manage to find one... It belonged to Victor, but if J got to her car she could drive by the door and I could grab it through the window return it to Victor and off she could go. This sounded great... until B pointed out she would blow away. Yes, attempt Number One... Unsuccessful. Umbrella turned inside out and J blew through the Carport. Attempt Number Two was to wear bin bag on head to prevent the wind and rain messing up her hair. After putting an air hole for safety purposes (we didn't want her suffocating), she started out the door. Alas, attempt number Two failed as the wind blew that bag off her head! She made a mad dash for her car as me and B stood in the foyer giggling like a pair 10 year olds!

We have an array of guests with us ranging from long tern residents, business travelers, to people hiding from family, people laying to rest  loved ones and others homeless due to fires. This really brings home to me that my troubles are pretty insignificant.

Today sees the first day of Hanukkah so I plugged in the Menorah.


Happy Hanukkah...

Goodbye November....

I am guessing that just like me, you are all thankful for something. Just like most of us, as Christmas approaches one of those things is my job and bi-weekly pay check!

The hotel has been filled with guests visiting family for the holidays and also business travelers.

Today, we have 5 Norwegian guests. They were quiet whilst hanging around waiting for each other to arrive at the lobby  before they set off for their business meeting. Almost immediately I noticed that the 50 something male group leader still had the sticky clear adhesive foot long sticker stuck to the back of his new jeans. I couldn't quite make out the size, sorry!

I tried to discreetly inform the guest of his Jeans addition... The phone rang and I had to nab that,  he dashed outside to start his engine in order to defrost his windscreen. Basically I never got to tell him... and I don't think any of the people he was with told him either. I wonder how much of the day went by before someone did?

So just a few days after Thanksgiving... Christmas has arrived in a body bag !

Yes Mr Bill and Victor came down with a body bag... and out of the big body bag came the very enormous tree.

Miss B was busy Fluffing it up... yes you read correctly. She was "FLUFFING"

I felt that I should help, no girl should have to fluff alone.

I am sure tomorrow when I get in that the next step of decorating will need to be done. I am hoping that it has been completed... I am not sure I am up for such a task!

I am a Front Desk Clerk...

I have advanced degrees in accounting, public relations, marketing, computer science, civil engineering and Swahili. I can also Read Minds.

Of course, I have a reservation that you booked six years ago, even though you don't have a confirmation number and you think it was under the name that starts with the letter X. It is not a problem for me to give you seven connecting, nonsmoking, pool side suites with two king beds each, four Rollaways and YES, I can install a wet bar. I know it is my fault that we do not have a helicopter landing pad.

I am a front desk clerk. I am expected to speak all languages. It is obvious to me that when you booked your reservation for Friday, you really meant Saturday. My company has entrusted me with all financial information and decisions and Yes, I can tell you why your bill from March 1989 contained a 50 cent phone charge because you obviously never pay for phone charges.

I understand that Mr. McGullicutty's Widget Manufacturing is a vast empire that will make or break our Hotel. Yes, I am lying to you when I tell you we have no rooms available. It is not a problem for me to quickly construct several more guest rooms. This time I will not forget the heli-pad. It is my fault that everyone wants to stay here. I should have known you were coming in even though you have no reservation.

I am a front desk clerk: an operator, bell hop, breakfast hostess, houseman, guest services rep, housekeeper, sales coordinator, information, a map, entertainment critic, restaurateur, stock broker, computer technician, ice breaker, postman, dispatcher, laundry attendant, fax expert and verbal punching bag. I also know why room 239 isn't answering their telephone.

I always know where to find the best Vegetarian, Kosher, Mongolian Barbeque Restaurants. I know exactly what to see and do in this town without spending any money.I take personal blame for the airline food (or lack thereof), traffic jams, rental car flat tires, and the national economy. I realize that you meant to book your reservations here. People often confuse us with "Melody Delight Motel". Of course, I can fit you in and yes, I understand you are entitled to a special fifty cent discount because you are affiliated with the Hoboken Accounting Club.

I am expected to smile, sympathize, console, up sell, down sell (and know when to do which), perform, sing, dance, fix the printer and I know exactly where Pottsman Trott Lane is.

I am a Front Desk Clerk.

I do all of these things...

.... and I still have to try and look busy when the Management is around.

Its Been a while....

Summer past in the blink of an eye. I cannot believe how quickly it went.

It was a tough Summer for me being the first one I have worked in 15 years, but boy was it interesting!

Not too many funny stories for you as I was so busy with just day to day hotel life. People vacationing are completely different to the people we have staying during the OFF season.

The vacationers and a little more demanding and always later for breakfast.

We do have our residents that are still with us Rm # 159. I am not sure what the story is as it just is simply too unbelievable now, and I really do not wish to know what they are doing to pay for the room as it can only be bad.

We have a new regular guest Mr C, nice chap not sure why he ended up staying with us on and off for the past 4 weeks, but he is pleasant, causes no bother and is the last to breakfast at 9.35am!

We did install a lot of Flat Screen TV's since my last blog... this went smoothly and now our King section and rooms with 2 Queen beds have this nice upgrade.

Last week Panasonic delivered the 36 extra remotes that Mr PP ordered. These 36 Remotes arrived in 36 boxes..... Why I have no idea but they charged us $189.00 Delivery!

As you can imagine Mr.PP was outraged by the delivery charged he was slapped with whilst B and myself worried about the amount of trees killed to make the 35 extra boxes!

B and I Joined a local Gym... L too.

We have been very good and try to go every day. As a Weight Watcher you would think that this would be helping me... alas NO. I am watching the scales go up and not down and my body ache more and more.

Sunday at 9.30 I arrived at the gym for Body Pump... B surely was going to show up. NO! As I peeked in the studio, thinking to myself "this is when you turn and get on the Elliptical" another lady forced me in with her smile saying she would help me set up... It was the set up that scared me!

One Bar Bell with weights plus extras
One Step with 3 risers
One Mat
Two 5lb plus hand weights
Towel

I sucked it up and pumped the power for an hour, and after 30 mins of the instructor yelling at me to stick my backside out... I seemed to have good form!

Today I ache in places I should not be aching... My poor chest, triceps, Backs of the legs and my butt!

Well as we all know there is only on cure.... another session at the gym!

See you there B, don't let me down, I may get dragged in to some other Bad Ass Class!

BTW this would all be well and good if I was at my goal weight and was svelte like.

Mysteries....

Today was Sandwich Tuesday - YIPPE !

I am happy to report that the WW in me shared my half of the sub with E, this always turns the puss face in to a happy bunny!

We have had a bit of a dilema...well more of an ID crisis! 'Ganja Boy' checked out with T on Friday, NO long hair... was here over the weekend with long hair.... is it fake?

I can resolve the issue, I was running errands yesterday and low and behold in the grocery store I spy 'Ganja Boy' with a friend. I hide as I don't want to be spied in civilian clothing by guests!

I think his friend with no hair has been staying with him, and checking out for him and confusing us. I can report that 'Ganja Boy' still has long hair !

Today I answered the phone as was asked where were we located... I confirmed our location and the gentleman on the phone told me that he had a delivery for me, he doesn't usually deliver in my town, but there were on the way!

As I was checking out a group of guests a pizza delivery boy passes through the lobby.

Short while later the telephone rings... Mr PP answers it.

I hear him discussing Room numbers... and he is saying there is no one in that room... we don't have a room of that number... I am not sure." Send your delivery boy to the front desk"

A minute later, the pizza boy is standing in front of us, telling us he has a delivery for Rm # 524.

We inform him that we do not have a Room 524.. he did not have a guest name. He informed us he has never had to deliver to this town before and that he is from another town close by. We discuss that there is another Hotel of our chain in that town... and could he possibly be at the wrong hotel. He said he had delivered to that hotel before and it could be possible....

Off he goes....

20 mins go by and a guest comes down... as he is passing the Front desk he stops and say's " I ordered food and it might arrive as I nip out. If I leave you some money can you pay for it please?" Sure not a problem.

As he is exiting the hotel... I look at Mr PP as say... "OMG that was his Pizza, he is in room 254!" He dashes out to the Car Park to check with the guest where he ordered from and what he ordered... sure enough I was correct.

As we are laughing out loud the telephone rings.. it is the pizza restaurant. " Has anyone been down looking for food?"

Yes they have, can you please confirm the order... he huffed and puffed and insisted they don;t deliver to our town... but they were heading back as they had no luck at the other town!

The Guest comes in from running his errand, and I explain what is happening, that is food is heading back to him, for the 2nd time. As we finish our conversation and he is heading up to his room, the delivery boy arrives back.

Can you believe that the Delivery Boy blamed me?! It was all my fault for not suggesting he go to 254??

I did tell him that if anyone is to blame it is the pizza place for not asking for a name and telephone number, and for taking down the room number incorrectly!

I have never been able to order food without leaving my Name and Number?!

I think that was the longest pizza delivery ever, and it had to have been cold for sure.

One last thing I have to mention.. and then I am done.

When taking a reservation today I asked... "What type of room would you like?

She spouted off..."The most Allergen Free, quiet room... Not above the Kitchen, Not near the Ice Machine, Not Near the lift, not near the door. As for size of room... the cheapest!" I then get to method of payment.... I am reserving it with my MasterCard because the expiration date on my American Express is expiring before I arrive, but I require you to remind me at check in that I want to pay using my AMEX. I might forget ! ! ! !

Gosh I must make a note of that one !

Just a regular Tuesday !

Nothing too exciting to report this past week....

No sign of Ganja boy since my last blog.

Every Tuesday host a Networking Meeting in our conference room, and today was no different. They start early... networking at 7-9.

I was startled by the arrival of Mr.PP at 7.15 this morning... he tried to sneak up on me, but I sensed he was there. I thought for a moment he was here to check up on me... making sure I was attending to the Breakfast room as I should... I really should have made him sit in my chair for a while so he could benefit from the blinding sun, and  I could see him fumble around with white spots in front his eyes... it really is blinding!

He came in early to tackle the mess in his office... I should start by letting you know that Mr. PP is a hoarder of anything that moves and doesn't move! This is not a task that is going to be completed in the hour he has allowed, I am guessing if he shows up an hour early everyday to tidy it, it may take at least 50 days and that is just office #1... he has 2!

Tuesday have become Sub-Tuesday for Me and B... this week was different, she had a lunch meeting which left me minus lunch!

I ate a late breakfast of a Banana and Frosties.... and by 1.30pm I couldn't take it anymore... the only option for a weight watcher was OATMEAL for lunch.

I went to the pantry, grabbed a packet of oatmeal, and a bowl provided for the guest for just this. Emptied the package,added water and placed it in the microwave for 1 minute.

Easy you say.... well not for me today...

That bloody oatmeal spewed everywhere... I opened the microwave to a rolled up bowl... resembling a taco stuffed with oozing oatmeal. The bowl was rock hard and the oatmeal pretty much everywhere, but no longer in the bowl.

It took me 10 mins to clean up the sodding mess.... which then led to the phone ringing, which left me to leave with no lunch...

Those of you that know me... know that does not make for a happy girl.

The newly purchased luggage cart went for an outing to Rm 103, the car park and back... he looked so happy to have been moved from the lobby for a short while.

Rm 103 could not understand why his key card never worked... I had to replace them 3 times this morning... I asked repeatedly are you keeping them with your cell phone... magnets anything that is zapping them, because this is very unusual....

NOPE, nothing....

Well, when they left, they chuckled about the key experience... I will be coming back soon to see how many other locks they can break. At this point I discovered he was keeping it in his money clip.

Surprise... it has a whooping big magnet in it to keep it closed!

Case closed !!!

Boobies... (o)(o)

I was only talking to my good friend Sue last night about the topic of this blog... though nothing had really happened in the hotel that could make it interesting and I didn't really know where to begin.

Well today it seems I get my chance to cover this topic... my eyes are still burning so I have to share it with you.

I am at the fax machine therefore not at the Front Desk, I can see it if I look up and turn my head to the right. I hear a tap and do just that.

It was a sight that no-one, no man, women or beast should have to endure. It is still so vivid in my mind.

This sight was an older gentleman, in the age bracket of 60 +, he was shorter than average and over weight...AKA DUMPY. Imagine the long grey chest hair over the large round belly and the 2 biggest boobs hanging so low they almost came to rest on my counter!

What.. you can't imagine and need a visual.... well here you go. This is what I saw.

Now if you have known me since Kingdown, yes my Art has not improved ! Pic quality not really that good, but I hope you can suffer too!

So as I said my eyes were burnt, I could barley see the key card he was waving at me... which I hasten to add verified and should have been working perfectly!

What on earth makes this man think that it is OK to do this? To walk around a public place with his Man Boobs on display for all to try and NOT see?

The vision just would not go away and I have been overwriting it in my head and pondering....

If he had been late 30's, dark, average height and handsome with abs of steal, solid pecks, bulging biceps and a smile to make your insides flutter I would not have thought.. Why do you think it is perfectly ok to stand there like that?, but blushed and dropped the room key !

But that is the visual I am using to clear this nasty eye scarring, and one day hope to be that lucky!

So MAN BOOBS.. BIG HANG LOW  NO GO SHOW. SOLID AS A ROCK.. PLEASE STOP BY!

This also applies to the ladies too. It seems I am the only lady who knows they sell a thing called a strapless bra.

Believe it or not, they are a great asset to your strappy sun dress or tank top because.. yep NO straps, and perfectly placed boobies.

Anyone who knows me knows that I am not a small girl. Never in my life have I ever thought it 'OK'  to leave the house bra less... even with a built in shelf my strapless is coming with me.

Everyone needs to know that you can only use the shelf solo if you have small hard lumps in place of your breasts.

So all of you women that sit in my breakfast room or come to the front desk minus a bra, with your tits as far down as your belly button... I am telling you it is WRONG... just WRONG. Please love your breasts and have them in the perfect position every time you are in public,.. especially at my work place.

I have in  he past raise a lot of money for Breast Cancer, my mother is a survivor and remind you all to check your boobies regularly.... preferably before you put them in their rightful place!

Happenings...

I have been slack on my blogs, its just I have been so busy with my life... I hate to miss a week so this is it. I hope it isn't too long winded for you all.

Today I got a very strange call...

" I would like to make a Reservation.. but 1st. Can you tell me how old your Mattresses are?"

Unfortunately I had no flipping clue... so just replied.

"No I don't but if you like a firmer mattress over a soft then this is a special request we can try to accommodate"

I am pleased to announce I now know the answer and am better prepared for the next time I get asked the question. The correct answer is....

"Less than 5 years"

~

Did I tell you about Ganja boy ?

He has been residing in #124 and 126 over the past 2 weeks. 

He checks in very early in the morning.... smokes and fills the halls with the smell of weed all morning long... and then stays another night.

Sometimes I worry that Housekeeping are going to get the effects of 2nd hand smoke and I am going to get left out!

The other day he came down to the front desk to extend his stay and he couldn't get back in the room. Seems he had left his room via the sliding door... forgot this and tried to get back in the locked door.

This same night he acquired the munchies.... and I guess the only option for him was the vending machine by Door B. This vending machine is not owned or operated by the hotel, and outside company comes every week to restock it. Seems in Ganja boys munchie attack he purchased a Hostess cake from the vending machine...in the mad rush to cram it into his mouth he missed the mold... until the last bite. 

He bought what was left to L, who could only offer him a refund and pass on the details to the vending company..he did not want to part with the moldy bite that was left.. and seemed upset he may get sick from eating the mold!

He is harmless enough... I have given him a lesson on how to access your room with a key, so he should be good this week if he shows up.

~

It was a weekend for a visit from a regular drunk.... I pity housekeeping. If you are going to binge drink please where a depend when you sleep!

~

I am bracing myself for the Naked Weekend...

A week in July.....

It has been a busy and entertaining week and the hotel motel... NOT Holiday Inn.

This week saw the arrival of Mrs B.. #129.  Mrs B is at least 80 years old... Deaf as a post but a sweet ole dear.

Breakfast ends at 10am... she arrives every morning at 9.55am. She has been staying with us annually for what I can tell is longer than I have been alive! This means she feels right at home and treats it as such.

The beginning of the week when she arrived the room was pretty much eaten and drunk dry. She has kept me on my toes... making sure she has enough decaf when she arrives and milk too.

Wednesday Mrs B called the Front  Desk and yelled down the phone as deaf people often do...

" CAN YOU LISTEN TO MY MESSAGES"

I replied telling her that to do this I would need to come to her room and retrieve them for her. After yelling loud enough the entire hotel could hear me without the need of a telephone... she got the message that I would come down at the end of my shift. This I did... 8 messages later I wrote them all down for her. She has a very busy social life for an 80 year old. I was quite jealous!

The following morning I say Good Morning as she is sitting eating her Cheerios.... no reply.

I am still pottering about cleaning up, and yep you guessed it, it is past 10.15 and breakfast is over.... still no communication. Eventually I get her attention by a little wave and she informs me in a very loud voice...

I TURNED MY HEARING AID OFF COS THE TELEVISION AND THE OTHER PEOPLE ARE TOO LOUD.. and by the way your handwriting is lovely!

I had to chuckle...

One morning this week and I cannot remember which exactly I arrive and a Big tour bus is parked out front... Now Santana was playing at the local arts centre the night before and for a minute I thought he needed emergency accommodation! Lots of people sat in the sunny breakfast room speculating who was staying... some had the same thought as me and wanted to know where Santana was eating breakfast. Turns out the bus was a group of surfer dudes touring catching waves up the east coast... Nice kind a lifestyle if you can get it!

I had a very funny telephone conversation today in which I was asked... "What is there to do in your town?" My immediate reply was... "Depends what your into" I established that they were travelling with children... so other than the beach... I gave them...

Outback Steakhouse to eat
Kohls to shop
Mini Golf
Bowling
Movies
Our pool.... I mean what else do you need on vacation!

Another call from another hard of hearing guest wishing to book his stay... Mr M, after yelling and me and finalizing his reservation I must be sure to let Mr PP know of his arrival... I did... but Mr M called back 10 mins to remind me again and also could I call the rewards program and let them know of his intended stay.. Sure thing Mr M.. I am right on it! He let me know that there was a really nice lady at the front desk when he visited last year... I reassured him that she had been replaced with another lovely lady and he trip will be wonderful :-)

We have another family join us through the Red Cross, this lucky family and 5 children survived a blazing home which was struck by lightening. They are a very sweet and lovely family and they are appreciating life and reminding me not to sweat the small stuff as I search for a room for them Saturday night in our already full house...

Lets hope the weekend staff enjoy their job as much as I do... its going to be a busy one with 2 weddings and a memorial group in house. I am sure by the time Monday arrives Mr PP is going to be completely stressed out and start my day off just great... Bring it on, I intend to relax all weekend long !

Whatever takes your fancy!

I have been made aware that in August there is a group coming to stay called the Hedo Reunion.

Basically they hire the conference room... have a big party and people part of their group call and make reservations for sleeping rooms for as many nights as they would like to stay.

It seems that this week we had a guest staying for the week who already has reservations as part of this group.... and has told other guests about how wonderful this party is.

Hedo = Hedonism = Nakedness... Swingers... Orgy... or just simply a low key party attended by people who like pleasure.

What am I in for?

I have started to hear talk... I think it will involve Swingers... and Nakedness and as we all know, when people are a part of a group like this... just like the people that go the the Nudest beach.... they are not supposed to be seen NAKED.

I am not sure I am going to make it through these 4 days without laughing OUT LOUD a lot.

I have a few weeks to prepare of this event, I think I am going to need it.