Thursday, April 4, 2013

Wanna be Rock Star

Breakfast had finished 30 mins ago and this disheveled man exclaims "WHAT they took away breakfast already!"

They, being me and yep I closed it at 9:30am on the dot as per notice clearly stating that breakfast was 6-9:30am but have a cup of coffee and get over it you lazy sod briefly entered my head but the words "Yes, 30 minutes ago. Would you like some coffee?" came out of my mouth.

He fumbled with the coffee pot, asked for 16 toothbrushes trying to imply he had 15 woman in his queen sized bed and needed toothpaste and Deodorant. Oh we have a comedian and I nearly didn't notice.

Phone rings and I answer it, as you do when your on the clock.

I hear him talking as I am making a reservation with the polite man on the phone and realise he is mumbling to me.  I can't talk to two people at once politely so I carried on with the reservation as if he was not there.
I put the phone down and I am just about to start another one of my duties and he shouts...

'Your from the UK" ..... Bloody hell, Einstein has entered the building!

"All my best friends are English Rockers" is his next proclamation. LOL in my head and think "Oh great, what is he on!"

I busy myself, he goes off with his toothbrush, paste and underarm.

and hour passes and in he strolls to check out.

Oh dear the Comedic Einstein has developed a pretty lousy British accent and I'd like the floor to open up and take me away.

"Do you know the Beat - tels?"

Oh god, this is like the "Do you know John, he lives in Manchester?" kind of situation! The UK might be small but I know a few Johns and they all don't live in Manchester.

"The Beatles, I like their Music but I don't know them, no" and really who has not heard of the Beatles.

"I do, Do you know Pink Floyd"

Once again, Not personally

"How about Boy George?" still in his bad accent.

Boy George a Rock Star?!... I obviously don't burst want his bubble and nod politely.

"David Bowie? I know him too"

I nearly said... "Well, why the Fuck are you here dude?"

but, I just carried on with the check out and in his Brit accents yells " Bye Gorgeous, be back later"


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

How to cheat and NOT get caught !

RULE # 1 : Do NOT Use a CREDIT CARD whilst checking in to a hotel

RULE #2 : Do NOT meet you play mate in your home town

to be continued...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

California Girl

A few weeks have past since this young lady from California walked through the door.

At first she was slightly confused. She has flown in to NJ to Drive a car back to CA for a friend. The friend had arranged for her to pick up the car at our hotel.


She decided to grab her belongings from her car service and hang out with me in the lobby whilst she waited for the car to be dropped off.

As it happened this day was the start of a snow storm... as she sat, the snow began to fall.

After we chatted for a few hours, she started to look very sleepy and annoyed and decided to take a room and have a nap. The person she was driving for was going to pay for the room, so she checked in.

The following morning I was surprised to see her still here. The car had arrived int he PM not the AM, miscommunication somewhere! She had decided to wait for the snow to stop before she embarked on her long journey to California. We estimated she would drive a little under 3,000 miles. She said it would take about 4 days... but the weather she was going to encounter was not very nice.

I wonder how long it took her? What a great way to spend a week.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Smelly People

I really don't get it....

You have had a night in a hotel... hot water, shower and bath available ensuite, clean towels. We provide Soap, Shampoo and conditioner and any other toiletries you may have forgotten. But still you smell?

It is one of life's big mysteries I guess. Like, Why is orange jam called Marmalade?!

I can understand encountering smelly people at check in, those who have been hard at work in the outdoors, working up a sweat. But at check out there is no excuse.

I wonder why, especially when I am trying not to inhale whilst also trying to be polite. It's hard to talk when you can't breathe. These people are the ones who want to chat more and are intent on finding out where I hail from! I have taken a liking to the new Febreeze Dragonfruit air freshner... and I am not afraid to use it!

I have a few suggestions, but nothing is acceptable!

They have a phobia of being naked in a strange environment, even with the door locked!

Can't be bothered?

Have no sense of smell?

Don't like our towels? Please pack your own!

The fear of drowning in a small amount of water plagues on their mind?

Can't swim?

Can't operate the tap?

Needs assistance with drying?

Can't unwrap the soap?

Please feel free to add your comments ! 

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Poop Man

This guest called down to the lobby and asked me if I would call and get him a cab. Of course I could, I am a very helpful and attentive Guest Services Agent, this is part of my job!

The local Cab company always ask where the guest would like to go... funny that! so I asked the guest this very question and his response was... "Over to the AH Police Department, then on to EWR"

"Very well Sir, I will let you know when they arrive"

I call the cab company,  they tell me they will be there in 10 mins. They are very reliable and are always pretty sharp, the driver always likes to come in and grab a coffee if he has time spare.

Before the car arrives the telephone rings again.... " I know longer need to go to the Police Department, they ain't gonna let me have me clothes back, switch sucks cos I stink of dog crap and have to get going"

I immediately thought this very unfortunate for the cab driver!

As I am chatting to this lovely lost lady this buffoon walks through the lobby shouting and cursing words I cannot even type into his mobile phone. This lovely stinky man slams his key card on the counter and gets in to the cab.

I guess he just checked out!

I wish this was the end of this story... but alas no!

About an hour later this angry man calls me, turns out it is Stinky and he is not happy.

Stinky yells at me telling me I have charged his credit card when he paid cash, he wanted a refund.. blah blah blah. 

I advised him to hold whilst I looked in to it...

" Yes, Sir you are correct we did indeed make a charge to you card..." before I had completed my sentence I rudely interrupted.

"Well I paid cash, you have no business charging my card and MAXING it out"

" Sir, you had a balance from a long distance telephone call, this is the charge that went on your Credit Card"

" How much?'

" $1.50"

"Well, Why did you max out my card?"

" Sir, I really think you need to ask the bank that question!"

About 2 hours after he had initially left... I answer the telephone and it the AH Police Department. They had a few questions with regards to STINKY.

What made me chuckle was the excitement in the officers voice when I was able to tell him where this person had headed. He was shocked that I knew....

"Very easy Officer. I ordered his cab!"

Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year brings new...

The first thing that springs to mind is resolutions... I have decided that mine will be to eat 2 pieces of fruit everyday, continue to watch my weight and visit the gym on a very regular basis.

I am so lucky my friend and co-worker is also my gym buddy. This will help me get back on track after a little holiday break.

The break was unintentional... I got snowed in the hotel and did not have a gym bag with me other wise I could of easily used the small work out facility we have. Thursday I threw myself down the stairs as I rushed out to work... meant another delay due to bruises.

Tomorrow I will be back on track!

I am glad the New Year didn't bring any trouble today. Just one Sexerciser who took a time out over the holiday... he seems to be back on track today !

I see sexercisers in many forms... and who am I to judge. Obviously I don't ! This guy is a sleeze ball. He could arrive any day of the week... he is not fussy what day, I guess their schedule changes every week. unlike others that come the same day every week....with out fail!

Flem, thats what I call him is least 58 years old... and just makes my skin crawl. I have never seen the female...but I alway wonder what on earth attracts her to him.

Yes I ate my 2 pieces of Fruit today... Day one complete. We all have resolutions for the new year and I  hope you are doing as well as I am so far!

Happy New Year!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year !

The Holiday arrived... I barely finished my shopping and now it is over and I am back to work.

Familiar families arrived for the holidays. It was nice to see the friendly faces arrive to celebrate.

I was fortunate to have the weekend off with my family as I do every week. But they the storm arrived.

Yesterday, Dec 26th. Boxing Day the storm started.

At 10am the kids were so happy.... by 2pm we went to friends for chilli.... and at 5.30 we headed home in White Out Conditions.

I had to be at work at 6.45am Monday morning and we were forecast 2 ft of snow. As all of you know I am really not a morning person. It takes every ounce of my being to be at work at 6.45am after jumping slowly from my bed at 6.10am. If we did indeed get 2ft of snow... How the hell was I going to get there on time? I can't possibly shovel snow before 9am!

Well working at a hotel... meant a bed for the night. I packed my overnight bag and prepared for my night away from home.

I drive 2 miles to work... and it was complete hell driving here. White out conditions... stuck cars, trucks, jug handles full of snow. I was thinking how smart I was to leave the night before.

At 6 am when I awake... I am feeling even smarter. My commute is the elevator, I can't possibly be late! I have never seen snow like it in my life.. the snow has drifted up the doors 4 ft. Cars are completely covered in snow...they reported we had 28 inches of snow.

I spent the day watching as others changed there plans... people stranded here that live just a few miles away. I was due to leave at 12 noon. T got snowed in... so now I am here until 3pm. It really will be cleared by then.

It is 8:21pm and after watching lorries, cars, vans skidding all over the highway. People arriving crying, the roads are so bad. I am still at the hotel.

My street has not been plowed... so even if I could safely make it out on to the highway... I couldn't get in my street or driveway... to turn back at 6.30 to leave again. I choose the safest way!

I guess this is why they declared a State of Emergency... but why don't people listen and not travel.

A small car ran off the highway and got stuck in the entrance to the hotel... they were not staying here, just passing by. We had to push them out... this was not the first. The men here have been pushing cars all day long. These people are travelling with small children.... surely nothing is THAT important?!

Let's hope tomorrow that the highway is still not the blanket of compact ice it is right  now and that my street has been plowed... otherwise I will be here a 3rd night.

Stay safe!